Archive for the ‘Science Fiction’ Tag
It’s easy to get caught up in your own thing: doing research, checking facts and seeing how it all fits into your work. But with some writers, it’s obvious that the richness of their plot comes from local history that surrounds them.
I live in New York’s Hudson Valley, an area steeped in gorgeous landscapes, lush vineyards, tasty apples, dairy farms, trout fishing, skiing on mountains friendly to learner, and more. Lots of celebrities move here. David Bowie, for example, loved his peaceful spot on the map.
But the underside of all this natural beauty is, if you believe in such things, is haunted with mystery. We’ve got our share of ghosts, UFOs and ancient sites settled by pre-Columbian people only barely studied.
Such things spark the interest of residents, naturally, but even fewer seek to scratch around and dig through forgotten fields and thick forests in search of what once was might still lurk beneath…or above.
Many local historians take inspiration from the embarrassment of riches surrounding them and investigate the truth behind the legend. They painstakingly dig into dusty files, read brittle microfilm on aging equipment, visit graveyards and historical societies, all for the sake of getting to the bottom of a story. These writers spend hours crafting the research into readable copy, submit them to the publication process, hoping you’ll pick up their books and become just as intrigued as they were.
Linda Zimmermann is one such person. A noted local historian, she’s interested in everything: history, mystery and lore. She’s investigated ghosts, UFOs, stone sites and science. She’s the author of many books, and if you see one of hers, pick it up. Linda writes with humor and insight, and before you know it, you’ll be headed down that certain road in Pine Bush, NY, looking for that certain lake where UFOs have been spotted many a time.
Another such person is a friend of mine, a teacher, local historian, journalist and all around interesting fellow: A.J. Schenkman. His personal biography is enough to fill several volumes, but he’s also one of those sorts who can’t resist researching and documenting a good story.
A.J.’s found all sorts of things to write about in Ulster County, NY. Leaf through these pages and you’ll find plenty of stories that’ll curl your hair. When you’re next at a cocktail party and the guests bemoan how terrible times have become, you’ll be grateful you live in the relative security of suburbia and modern times. Things in the past were pretty gruesome, as the pages of these books will attest.
Lastly, I have to give a brief shout-out to the masters of documenting the weird and strange, Mark Moran and Mark Sceurman, better known as the Weird NJ guys. There’s not a story too strange or a site too abandoned they won’t check out. Their publication, “Weird NJ” has been running for something like twenty years. They’re also in the process of documenting as many weird tales across the nation with their “Weird” series. They’ve had a show on the History Channel, too.
Perhaps the most important thing all of these writers are doing is documenting the past so it’s not forgotten, like the file cabinets from which they gather their research. If you’re thinking of writing a great novel of fiction, check these local authors out first. You’d be surprised what you’ll dig up.
Since I usually write about books on Sunday, I’d thought I’d do a bit of a tribute to a book I absolutely loved, “Geek Love” by Katherine Dunn.
For those of you who had heard, the author of this book died last week at the age of 70, of lung cancer. Katherine Dunn leaves behind a cadre of fans and an unfinished, unpublished book, called “Cut Man.” As a journalist who covered boxing, Ms. Dunn based this book on the sport, and an excerpt appearing in The Paris Review in 2010 was said to bear similarities to “Geek Love.”
I first found out about this quirky book during a stint in advertising when I was little more than half the age I am now. I noticed this book sat on the desk of several of my colleagues, so I asked about it. “Read it,” said a person whose name I remember as Beth. “I can’t explain it to you.”
My sister Gwen happened to purchase a copy of it and after she read it, she loaned it to me. I couldn’t put it down.
It told the tale of a very bizarre family that raised its own freaks for its traveling carnival. The parents managed to give birth to piano-playing conjoined twin girls, a boy with flippers instead of appendages, and an albino hunchbacked dwarf. Throughout the book it tells of other freaks created and met along the way, including women purposely mutilated in order to concentrate on their careers instead of love.
I must have read this book half a dozen times, and with each reading, I grew more horrified at the prospect of parents willfully screwing up their kids so they’d have a future – as carnival freaks.
Still, the book makes you think about what’s acceptable in both nature and the human mind. Having read last week that a group of distinguished Harvard scientists discussed creating a synthetic human genome, perhaps Ms. Dunn wasn’t far off the mark when she wrote this book.
So if you’re in the market for a good read, check out “Geek Love.” You’ll be glad you did.
See, when I think of women in science fiction stories, the above picture represents how I’d portray a character. She’s perhaps a little idealized, but still, she’s clearly an astronaut representing America. She’s brave. Tough. Not gonna take it. And she’s about to figure it all out, get behind the situation and blow it to pieces.
But mostly, I see an awful lot of images that fall in line with this:
Or this:
Credit: Concept Central
Either they’re helpless, scantily clad women or bitches with cleavage or melons for breasts. Sure, these space women are tough, gonna fight you, gonna kill you dead, if some guy doesn’t bring ’em down first and/or tame ’em into submission.
Okay, okay, I know what you’re thinking. The vast majority of sci-fi lovers are males. Aren’t these the kids who yank on those joysticks and bang into VR mode so they can get a piece of action where there’s no real hope for any?
Well, I’d hate to be the bearer of bad news, but just as many ladies are latching onto the genre and things are pretty much evening out. Both sexes are totally into gaming now, with females catching up to males. Any visit to ComicCon will show you that, too, although lots of the female attendees still dress up in Princess Leia costumes from “Return of the Jedi”, and similar.
I belong to this club:
This is actually a calendar cover from 2013 (sorry, I couldn’t find an active link!)
We women are just a bunch of shameless, crazy geeks, not really beholden to any perfect idea except the one that says we have to be totally weird and strange. We might not be able to carry off the latest fashions with aplomb, but we can certainly tell you about SpaceX and Goddard and JPL. Why? Because that’s something that actually matters.
Though we might not agree with the sexist and doomed portrayal of women in Game of Thrones, we follow the story religiously. Anything from Star Trek (every series) to Star Wars (every episode, plus spinoffs), too.
And so on.
Here’s something most people either didn’t realize or forget: a woman invented science fiction. Do you know who that might be? Take a guess:
Can’t figure it out? She created one of the most enduring stories and characters of all time:
The Monster
That’s right – Mary Shelley and “Frankenstein.” Published in 1818, the story of a doctor bent on creating life from death has been told in countless ways. Its most notorious character, The Monster, has become synonymous with the title of the book and Dr. Frankenstein.
How many of you saw this movie and felt your heart race nonstop? Or…read the book?
Raise your hand if you knew the author’s name…aka Phyllis Dorothy James, Baroness James of Holland Park, OBE, FRSA, FRSL – from the British House of Lords, a Peer. Yup!
I could continue on and talk about J.K. Rowling, Suzanne Collins, Margaret Atwood…but you get the idea.
So…if you’re looking for a great read by a female sci-fi writer, or a writer of any sex, please visit Best Sci-fi Books. It’s a great website to find a great read.
Surprise!
What mother doesn’t enjoy a wonderful surprise on Mother’s Day? And with today’s fluid definition of genders, mothers come in all shapes and sizes. So here’s my brief tribute to what motherhood might mean, in modernspeak.
While our friend Captain James T. Kirk certainly wasn’t what I’d consider a motherly figure, he sure knew his way around reproduction, given the amount of female alien types he seemed to pick up and hit on. So it’s completely fitting that he’s burdened with a whole piles of lovable, adorable tribbles, who seemed to have taken a real shine to him. They kind of popped up all over the place in the space ship, giving rabbits a run for the money. Since Kirk was in charge of the ship, he fostered an environment for motherhood, since these things were determined to have been born pregnant.
How about Lou Gosset, Jr. playing a reptilian Jeriba, of the Drac people, an asexual race. Jerboa gave birth and then died, leaving an alien (to Jeriba, at least) Willis Davidge (a.k.a Dennis Quaid) to raise him. It’s not the best way to parent a child, but that’s why Dennis/Willis showed up, so at least the kid had a role model of sorts.
Here’s the completely parent-less delivery method called Body Snatching. It’s important to remember that these aren’t zombies, or the undead, or whatever. These life forms are a likeness, a substation, a stand in, much like margarine stands in for butter on occasion. Sure, it tastes all right, but it’s not butter, but it does what it’s supposed to do, so what difference does it make? And while anyone who’s fallen victim to the body snatchers can’t distinguish the difference between their original selves and the new-and-improved version, why should you, as a child, complain? After all, these new bodies just might believe all those half-baked lies you deliver when you want to stay out with your friends way past your bedtime on a Saturday night?
So folks, I surely hope you treated your moms right, bought flowers, dinner, cards, called, paid tribute, genuflected, thanked from the bottom of your heart and pledged to be the perfect child from today on forward. One day, Mom won’t be around to tell you what to do, and believe me, as one who knows, you’ll miss her like you can’t image.
Here’s to Mom…in whatever shape or form, on Mother’s Day.
Yours truly, causing problems
Oh, what a day I had last Friday! I got to walk in the temple of literature amongst the gods. That’s right – I went to Penguin Random House.
So many distinguished authors have had the blessed fortune to be published by this institution, it’s mind-boggling. Seriously, one can’t take it all in. To wit: here’s a wall (and it’s only a partial view) of the Nobel Prize winners that have had their works published here.
PRH’s distinguished and honored literary lineup
Why was I there to begin with? To ask/beg them to publish my work? Pssh. If only. No, I went with my sister and a bunch of our friends (also writers) to their quarterly open house. If you’re interested in books, writing, publishing, or just stretching your mind, it’s the best place in the whole world.
PRH presents a lineup of great writers of all genres, plus a little insider stuff. The day started off with Questlove, best known as the bandleader for The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon. He wrote this wonderful book entitled SOMETHINGTOFOODABOUT, a collection of essays and interviews with chefs who raise their culinary talents to the artistic level. It’s a beautiful book, full of amazing photos of food worship. I longed for a snack after gazing through its pages. He kindly autographed it.
Questlove chats with his cowriter, Ben Greenman;
Gretchen gets his autograph – very nice man indeed!
Later on in the morning, Justin Cronin and Pierce Brown held a discussion regarding their books. Both had such camaraderie, one might think they knew each other forever. They’d only met fifteen minutes before taking the stage. Still, their engaging conversation gave writers (like me) hope that even if you have 137 rejections (like Pierce Brown did), you still might get lucky. And boy, did he ever. Justin Cronin was a college professor whose daughter, quite young at the time, told him not to write boring books.
Autographing it up with Justin Cronin, listening to their chat (I know, bad photo) and chatting with Pierce
After lunch, two in-house art directors, Greg Mollica and Joe Perez discussed the finer points of creating a cover. They used several books for examples, some going through several dozen attempts to reach the right look. It’s really true that a book is judged by its cover, because without reading a word, you’ve got to attract the reader’s attention. My favorite story was that of Mark Maron – he’s a favorite of mine and I love his podcast. Mark loves cats. Getting a cat to cooperate proved to be an exercise in patience, as the cat wrangler tried very hard, as well as Mark, to get the cat to pose. I think we all know what comes next:
Some of the shots trying to get THE shot for the cover
PRH saved the best for last: Anna Quindlen. In case you didn’t know, a New York Times columnist and NYT bestselling author many times over. She was interviewed by no less than Lee Woodruff, an author whose husband, Bob Woodruff, was a correspondent for ABC news and suffered a serious head injury in the Middle East – a story in itself. She discussed her writing process and the fact that one of her sons thought it was entirely gross that she wrote sex scenes in her books (he was a kid at the time). Fortunately, she had the best snacks on the block and all the kids hung out at her place after school.
Anna Quindlen and Lee Woodruff, a little on the dark side
The day went by like lightning and was over far too soon. As I sat on the train, staring out at the window on my way home, reading Questlove’s book and feeling hungry, I thought to myself how lucky I was to have been in Random House, thoroughly enjoying the day. Who knows? Maybe one day my books will grace their library walls for all to see. But for now, I’m glad I went and can’t wait for the next one.
Me, my sister Gwen Jones and our friend Linda Parisi
My souvenir for the day
I’m going to try to make this a weekly thing: a brief list of new sci-fi books or those that show up on my Twitter feed. I’d like to get the word out there to both my blog and Twitter followers that there’s some reads out there that deserve a look-over, as well as support these writers any way I can. Eventually, I’ll have more time to read these works, but at least I can promote them a little. I’ve chosen these books at random but perhaps one day I’ll get to yours, too!
Just in case you’d like to know, my Twitter handle is @gretchenweerhei
Kindle Edition
.99 read on Kindle or FREE on KindleUnlimited
Contact with a race of pacifists convinces mankind to lay down its weapons and keep the peace. The last Medal of Honor recipient, Trent Maxwell, trades glory for the comforts of a family after the U.S. Army disbands. All that ends when an alien menace attacks the New Earth colony, which forces a crash mobilization. Trent finds himself reactivated and traveling through space to distant worlds, in order to stop this new enemy. During the century long journey of death, love, and loss, he also deals with the law of relativity that wreaks havoc with his daughter.
Kindle Edition
$2.99 read on Kindle or FREE on KindleUnlimited
A post-apocalyptic romance thriller. The world of the future is divided by Perimeters: high-security gated communities where life goes on as normal. If you’re inside you’re lucky, if you’re outside life expectancy takes a nose dive.
Sixteen-year-old Riley is fortunate to have been born on the right side of the fence. But her life of privilege comes crashing down when someone breaks through the Perimeter and murders her sister. She forsakes her own safety to go in search of the killer. Luc decides to go with her otherwise she’ll be dead before she’s past the security gate. But what awaits her outside is more unbelievable than she ever expected. Cut to the present day where Eleanor’s world is falling apart. This time next year, civilisation won’t be quite so civilised . . .
Six people are awakened from suspended animation on a spaceship by a malfunctioning onboard computer in the middle of a 300 year journey to colonize a distant planet. They must fight through memory loss, paranoia, and a food shortage … and one of them is a killer. Cromartie, the unelected leader, is beginning to remember pieces of his past; he’s beginning to discover clues that may lead to their survival. But he must work fast to find the mind-blowing answers before it’s too late.
Kindle Edition
Sophie Radcliffe, a feisty Texan intergalactic agent, is a brilliant computer programmer with a photographic memory. She has worked for the Intergalactic Law Enforcement Agency for ten years and is considered to be the best human agent on the team. She works alongside two other humans, Tom Logan, a tough, ex-police cop from Chicago and Justin Adams, a talented British linguist, whose arrogant, superior ways get right under the skin of his colleagues. When the agents discover their nemesis, a Drogg named Zenzoris, has escaped his prison pod and is out for revenge, the mission to recapture him takes the agents on a terrifying, roller-coaster adventure. Will the Drogg succeed in overthrowing the Intergalactic Council this time? The agents battle against time to find the Drogg before he destroys the world.
Kindle Edition
Pre-order price: $3.49 or FREE on KindleUnlimted
Computer intern Avery Cole is about to learn the secret behind a strange device left in his possession years ago… While searching for his missing father in California, Cole sets out to complete a path already chosen for him: release seven bottles with seven messages into the ocean to help the world learn the secret to existence. Now seven lives will intersect while Cole searches for the ultimate truth. But can he give up the woman he loves to save mankind?
Why make things up when reality is just as entertaining? Here’s a few inspiring snippets for your sci-fi/reality consideration. Become inspired and write your own story based on what you see below!
Credit: NASA/JHUAPL/SwRI/Alex Parker
New Horizons has left Pluto and gracefully exited out into extended space, lurking around the Kuiper Belt in search of, well, new horizons.
Credit: People’s Daily, China
This egg-ish thing is actually a Chinese riot control robot, capable of mowing down people on flat surfaces while ambling along at 11-ish miles per hour and work without complaint (I’m assuming anyway) for 8 hours.
Credit: SpaceX
SpaceX to launch unmanned mission to Mars in 2018. The above ship is no relation to the above Chinese riot control robot.
Credit: NASA
Aerojet Rocketdyne will develop an advanced solar electric propulsion system, or SEP, for deep space exploration. Mars, and other exotic extraterrestrial locations.
Hope you found a few good ideas!
I have all sorts of things on my Twitter feed, from NASA to Emergency Kittens and everything in-between. I do follow a lot of sci-fi authors, so I’d thought I’d bring your attention to a few. They’ve all got projects both published and in the works, so if you’re looking for a good read, this selection might offer you a few choices. I’ve chosen them at random, but they’ve been brought to my attention through my Twitter feed. Most are available at Amazon for download on Kindle, at very reasonable prices. I’ve taken the covers and descriptions from these books from the Amazon listings. Please help support fellow sci-fi writers and give these books a read! I’ll be posting these books regularly, so keep a lookout for this listing. And if you’re a sci-fi writer who wants me to post your book, just let me know. I’ll be happy to!
Winner! The 2014 Stellar Sci-fi Contest For Science Fiction Dystopian Novel
The war of 2020 was quite bloodless, but its aftermath was plenty grisly. The victor? A monster corporation now wasting the planet’s resources with abandon — but controlling the people with precision. Using industrial-scale organ harvesting. Using wholesale euthanasia. Using squadrons of armed guards whose bulletproof visors hide any expression in their eyes.
We’re trapped, Zoe thought. Trapped on a dying planet. Wasn’t there a time when we didn’t live under massive domes with scrubbed air piped in and rising temperatures neutralized? That time is a blurry memory to me, almost gone. Gone, like the glaciers. Like the forests and their oxygen-breathing trees.
And now a deadly virus is spreading fast. Zoe’s beloved husband has already been carried off by it. At that, the corporation forced their young daughter Laya into an orphanage. The corporation is intent on eradicating the virus by liquidating everyone infected. Now Zoe herself has fallen ill. More than half of her dwindling energy is spent trying to hide that fact.
She remembered her promise to Laya, to be together again. She rested her forehead against the mirror and whispered to her ghostly fading self—hissed to herself, fierce in refusal! “You can’t die now. You just can’t!”
In this heartless technocratic dystopian future, normal emotions constitute treason. Acting on them is a capital crime. Can a mother’s passion defy this totalitarian system? Will a promised cure arrive in time to save Zoe—and can she get her hands on it?
And if she regains her health, is there a chance she can ever find freedom…and even new love?
The Organ Harvesters reveals a future that will make your skin crawl—and a human struggle to live free that will leave you beathless and inspired.
Can a unique partnership discover who is stealing the minds of children? Life isn’t easy when you don’t own yourself, not all humans are aware that other species exist, and your ship is semi-sentient. Kerris and Arucken are an interspecies messenger team, tasked with aiding communication across the galaxy. Haunted by the grief of her sister’s murder and stranded, Kerris must discover who is stealing the minds of children.
Theopolis James Logan is finally living his long-cherished dream. Whisked away from his mundane life on Earth – along with six other gifted teenagers – by an alliance of peaceful, alien civilisations known as The Affinity, he has forged a life of excitement and wonder on another world. To his friends, he is a technical specialist, adept in the use of super-advanced technology. However, in secret, he is a covert operative for The Star Agency: the Affinity’s secret service, defending the galaxy against the shadowy forces of the Metah Dah, the Affinity’s sworn enemy.
For centuries, the Star Agency has helped maintain a fragile peace, but when a devastatingly powerful secret weapon is lost, presumed stolen, it sets in motion a chain of events, pushing the Affinity towards the brink of war and plunging the seven human friends into a nerve-shredding battle for survival. Can they survive in a universe more dangerous and unpredictable than they can possibly imagine, or will the dark forces of the enemy triumph, tearing the Affinity apart?
Meanwhile, back on Earth, an old friend is looking for answers.
The Voyages Of The Seven is the second exciting adventure in the Star Agency Chronicles – an Interstellar secret agent adventure series suitable for young and old alike. If you think you know science fiction, think again
The Earth they left was a planet ravaged by climate change, war, and corruption. The planet they found was a lush world of wonder, and the pristine mountain valley they settled into provided all their needs. Their technology allowed them to live comfortable pioneer lives in a mild climate, with breathtaking landscapes and clean, fresh air. Avalon was paradise – a primitive paradise – but paradise none the less. But…this beautifully deceptive planet had a lesson for them…Paradise comes at a price.
Seventy five years after an alien virus infected Earth causing evolution to accelerate in wild and unpredictable ways, humanity has become an endangered species. An ancient prophecy, a Warrior of the People, and a vision of an unknown youth may be the keys to healing both the human race and the planet.
So now that I put my first book to bed (for now), it’s time to begin writing the second! I’ve come charging out at the gate, full of zip and zing, just itching to get those words out of my brain and onto a screen. After all, the characters have been banging around, demanding to take on some form and function, ready to put that plot to action.
And off I went, typing my little heart out. I came up with a fast outline, about twenty pages or so, then reduced them to about three, then one. Why? So I’d have a synopsis ready. My agent will need it, plus it helps to have it to hand when coming up with that all-important pitch.
I have a wide-screen display, so part of it showed my outline (to keep track of things) and the other was the book. Pretty soon, I ignored what I had up there for an outline and just kept going.
See, I wanted to write those first 50 pages that editors always seem to ask for when perusing a book submission. Checking it out to see if it’s any good. If it’s what they want. Can they sell it? Can you write? It’s got to be perfect, a real page-turner, else it’ll wind up in the slush pile and the permanent death bin. Can’t have that, now, can we?
So write I did, until I have my main three characters all set up nicely and it became pretty obvious they’d have work cut out for them to resolve their issues.
As it seems, so did I.
I wrote eighty pages. I only needed fifty.
My characters looked askance. One of them complained he had glue in his feet. Another thought she’d been kind of inactive for two long. And the other? Kind of went on and on about something or another without actually coming to a point.
Time to chuck out the garbage!
First, I read the whole thing without changing a word. The story line made perfect sense, but it could be better. I examined each paragraph, all the dialogue, even punctuation. Took my time and shelved a few ideas. I liked them, but those ideas gave too much of the plot away, so I made a file called, “For later.” I go back to that file if I need an idea, use a quote, even a suggestion. Often I ditch much of what’s in there, but if you come up with a good quote and it doesn’t fit right in its original spot, it might be useful later. Or you can admire it over and over and congratulate yourself for being clever and use it in witty conversation at one of those glamorous cocktail parties you’re going to be invited to when your book is published. Believe it or not, I got rid of 10 pages this way.
Next, I went over those really long paragraphs and the very short two-liners to see if I couldn’t condense them. I actually trimmed quite a bit this way.
Finally, I went over each and every sentence. That’s tough. I found myself reading sentences over and over, unable to shorten or reword them. It’s going to work out that I’m going to need some of those longer sentences, but I can make them shorter by finding better ways to contain the information they’re trying to convey. After all, brevity is the soul of wit, and you can keep a reader far more interested if you get right to it.
I’m not quite at 50 pages yet, but I’m nearly there. I’ve hacked and pruned my way to 59 pages, which isn’t too bad. My story’s exposition reads a whole lot better and I’m feeling good about it. I’m still in first draft mode, but with those solid first 50 pages, I’m ready to tackle the rest of the book…all three thousand pages of it…
Just kidding!
Miracle Man, Dr. Oren Oneil
Since it’s been a while since I did anything remotely steampunkish, I thought I might revisit the genre. I have some old magazines from 1902 – Pearson’s and The Smart Set. As I leafed through the pages, inspiration beat on my brain with the force of a brass Thor’s hammer.
Classifieds and advertisements from bygone eras area always fascinating to read, but none more so, it seems, than from late Victorian/early Georgian era. As technology grew, so did claims about its abilities. While it’s true significant gains in medical research grew during this time, so did quacks who claimed to have the answer for particular ailments.
Take, for example, Dr. Oren Oneil, inventor of the Oneil Dissolvent Method. This convincing ad practically screams credibility, claiming this gifted oculist restored sight to thousands – even cross eyed people! – yet a child could consume his potent tonic and live to talk about it. And if you didn’t take his word for it, just write to the people he cured. But of course, it really was too good to be true, and the truth was exposed in this Collier’s Weekly article from 1906.
I’m sorry, but there’s nothing natural about these body braces. I can’t help but love the claim, “Cures ailments peculiar to women” and “Female weakness.” How can a gizmo such as the above help with liver trouble, lady’s headache, constipation AND make you more attractive? I do think this body brace would make an excellent addition to any modern-day steampunk costume and peculiarities collection.
Adding to the brace field is “Pond’s Toe Spring.” This medical marvel has been endorsed by medical men here and abroad, although it doesn’t specify what kind of practice or nation so hot on using said toe spring. I imagine those with foot fetishes go for this sort of bondage thing.
While Dr. Oneil used a tonic to cure blindness and other eye ailments, the marvels of electricity proved a more effective cure. All you needed to use was a pocket battery to remove stubborn cataracts, pteryglums, granulated lids to restore vision. I’m not quite sure why the New York & London Electric Association chose to do business from Kansas City, Missouri, but perhaps it provided a friendlier environment for stealing people’s money.
At first glance, one can hardly guess this is an ad for fake coffee, but a cry for help for addicts of caffeine. Dyspepsia, weak heart, kidney trouble, sour stomach, inactive brain and nervous prostration. While there might be an argument for a few of the ailments, I’m addled to consider blaming coffee on an inactive brain. Who hasn’t gotten juiced up on coffee studying for finals to wake that brain up? Postum, the “food coffee,” is the miraculous cure for those who are hopelessly addicted to the pre-Starbucks set. My own mother used to drink Postum, and I can tell you the last thing it tasted like was coffee.
But then again, coffee might not be so bad when you can secretly slip in an odorless, tasteless cure, quietly and permanently without the patient’s knowledge or consent, to cure that evil liquor habit. Sure, because they’ll be dead. At least it’s good for both sexes.
Sure, I’d love to cure my St. Vitus’s Dance, even for free, especially since thousands have been helped where everything else has failed. So now that you have my AGE and full address, what else are you going to rip me off for?
Painless and permanent home cures seem to be the thing. These promise Vital Principle heretofore unknown and lacking in all others, and better still, can be taken without interruption to convenience or detention from business. Again, I’m thinking this is possible because the distressed addict will die, leading to the permanent cure.
The general rule is: if it has buzz marks, then it’s effective. The ad says, ” Life is full of alluring possibilities for those who master the secrets of hypnotic influence; for those who develop their magnetic powers. You can learn at home, cure diseases and bad habits without drugs, win the friendship and love of others, increase your income, gratify your ambitions, drive worry and trouble from your mind, improve your memory, overcame domestic difficulties, give the most thrilling entertainment ever witnessed and develop a wonderfully magnetic will power that will enable you to overcome all obstacles to your success.” What hooked me was: “It is enthusiastically endorsed by ministers of the gospel, lawyers, doctors, business men and society women.” Think about this combination. Doctors trying to get over on people need lawyers so they don’t get sued for using newfound powers on society women who presumably will become fallen women who need to be saved by ministers of the gospel. That’s just my take on it.
Of course, all of the above can be had for the price of admission at French Lick Springs. It’s the capital of pleasure!
Bon voyage!
Moon, Stars and Beyond 