Moon, Stars and Beyond   A Chronicle of Fact, Fiction and Fantasy

I’d like to know this:  who comes up with the uniforms for all those space missions out there?  I mean, once we’re out and about in galaxies afar, does anyone really care whether or not our outfits match?  Or that they’re in uniform?

Take, for example, this example:

Space: 1999 publicity shot

The color palate is beige with a touch of red and a slap of mustard, reminiscent of a hot dog bun with ketchup and mustard.

Now, compare it to this:

Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan publicity shot

This is a riff off of the above, except we’ve gotten rid of the ketchup and replaced it with relish and chafing dish pan.

Both are going for the comfort angle, because, as we all know, traveling in either a ship or moon requires it.  Take a closer look at both casts.  S:1999 pose as if they own the look; STII gaze embarrassingly off into the distance.

And these two for women:  for whose benefit are these impossibly short hemlines?  Even sitting’s a chore in these, a constant battle between modesty v. duty.  Sure, Kirk’s going to throw down his pen and say, “Say, can you pick that up for me?” as he gives his best lecherous stare.  And the hair – if you’re fighting Klingons, who’s got the time to fuss with such an intricate do?

This drove me nuts:  why is it open?  Does it allow for more comfort, sort of like opening the top button?  Does it show that an officer has his guard down, or up during battle and needs to breathe? How do you keep it closed, anyway?

And speaking of dresses, Picard in his literal dress uniform.  Note the look of defeated resignation in his face.  I’m sure he’s thinking: Magenta?  REALLY?  This would have been much chicer in grey…

ST: Enterprise publicity shot

Although purple wouldn’t have been my first choice, kudos for at least some consistency in the uniforms.  At least T’Pol has coverage, albeit rather snugly.  She’s shapely, so she pulls it off well.

STSG: Nemesis publicity shot

Finally, I have to admit, the above is the most professional and utilitarian of all uniforms in the ST series.  Why, oh why, didn’t they just go to these in the first place?  Guess it takes many tries before you get it right.